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Depression from a life crisis and an injury had coupled together, leading me toward the path of obesity. But it was I who willfully started down that road, making a daily choice to soothe myself with fattening comfort foods—chocolate bars, peanut M&Ms, pizza, ice cream...and I began to pay the price. I hadn’t fallen down in over two decades—but in the last few months, my bulk and excess weight made me clumsy. One day I tripped and fell in my classroom at school. I was humiliated and turned to make sure no one had seen—then proceeded to get my feet further entangled with my long winter coat. It was not pretty scene. Another day, I stepped neatly into a loop of twine at an outdoor auction. Unfortunately, my husband was standing on the other end and I was lucky to escape with a muddy, rather than broken, nose. My flexibility was long gone, as were the quick reflexes that might have saved my pride. Instead, a resounding THUD drew gasps of sympathy from my unintended audience. |
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At Christmas, I fell off the attic ladder in our garage. It was a simple case of my heavily padded skeleton landing squarely on the unrelenting concrete floor. Ouch! MRIs showed that several previous fractures had given way to osteoarthritis in my feet—and this fall had caused some major flareups. But my willpower was still not strong enough to change.
My husband once made a negative comment about my weight, back-pedaling with apologies when he realized how harsh it sounded. But as much as he loved me, I knew that part of him had to be as disgusted as I was with my appearance. I sank further into depression and the comfort of food.
The agony and humiliation mounted up. While working in the yard, I had to bend over several times to pick up one lousy stick. I became dizzy, playing on the floor with my grandkids. Lifting myself up out of the bathtub had become a major challenge. I couldn’t believe all the difficulties I was having! I had brought this upon myself—I had become obese. It wasn’t knowing that degenerative diseases were waiting in the wings which caused me to change. It was the fact that I no longer liked myself! I was not the woman God wanted me to be. I had become totally focused on me…self conscious because I completely lacked self control…and on the food that brought momentary comfort. |
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Spring break arrived. With it came the knowledge that I was going to be spending another summer hiding in slacks, huffing and puffing and sweating. Something broke through the wall of hopelessness. It was determination, mixed with a deep desire to be free of my self-imposed handicap. I was finally ready to make a long term commitment to become a healthier, happier person.
Dreading to be seen in my "work-out clothes" by anyone who knew me, I made an appointment at a Curves some distance from home. I paid for membership to use their machines each month. And, even though I “knew” how to lose weight, I needed someone pushing me in the right direction. So I eagerly spent another $100 to join a 6-week class on how to lose weight on a high protein, low carb diet. In six weeks, I had lost 11 pounds and 11 inches! I was now motivated more than ever. But then the weight loss slowed considerably. The nutritionist at Curves assured me that ½ pound a week was very good. But at that rate, I calculated, I wouldn’t reach my goal until well into next year. It was a bit discouraging.
Then my husband asked me to research a product called Isagenix—a cleanse of some kind. My first negative thoughts toward the product were unkind and unwarranted. I had visions of starvation hormones kicking in and making me miserable. And surely it would taste nasty. And wasn’t a cleanse like an enema? I did the research…he made me the guinea pig. If it worked, he would use it, as well. Yes, I was anxious to lose weight. However, nothing would make me continue the diet beyond the first day if it met my initial suspicions! |
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"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12) "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12) |
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